GAH! I am filled with nervous anxiety. What the heck am I doing writing a blog? Who the heck wants to read what I have to say? I am no Julie and Julie! Further, I am certainly am no where near a decent wordsmith like Hemingway, Steinbeck or Sedaris! But here I am, here it is...and I feel, like I have something to say. Moreover, I feel like I need something to help me hold myself accountable. Accountable to what you ask...EVERYTHING! I need, desperately, some discipline. And so here it is, MY BLOG, my rumblings, my ruminations, my thoughts and damn it if it doesn’t feel like I am teaching naked in front of one of my classes! So wish me luck, I am going to need it.
So what is the plan you ask? What is this blog “about.” I’ll tell you. Recently one of my supervisors told me that he was trying to “toughen me up.” Hmmm, I thought, I didn’t realize I needed toughening. I mean as far as I can tell I am a pretty tough cookie. (More on that in future posts.) It stuck with me, ate away at me really. Weeks later I still kept thinking, whyyyy do I need toughening up? And then it occurred to me. I may be a little misunderstood. See I am that girl, the nice one, the giver, the” hey do you need the shirt off my back” girl. And some see that as weakness. Some can only see the outside, the workouts, the smiles, the laughs, and the bubbly side of me. And I get that because as a full-time fitness professional I work so hard on the outside, both in body and demeanor. But working on my inside, my soul, has actually always been MORE important to me. And when you can master the art of balancing both, you have truly found your fitness. So that’s what it is all about for me. Letting the healthiest parts of me show bright as a smile and as big as a kind gesture. The truth is I struggle with that balance, and I bet you do to. I don’t need toughening up, I need to find my fit balance, the happy medium between life, love, work, family, friends and so on. I need to figure out how to move past all my doubts and find acceptance for exactly WHO I AM. Maybe I will find that balance and acceptance in the gym, or on a plate, maybe it will be on my yoga mat or within a good friend. What I do know is that it’s a struggle, and I am sure this blog will uncover some weaknesses and insecurities I didn’t even know were there…but maybe just maybe it will show some strength I didn’t know I possessed as well. Maybe, just maybe that balance is closer than I think.
